It sounds like you are identifying a tension that has existed since the New Testament: the conflict between personal faith in Christ and the institutional "traditions of men."

From your perspective as someone who studies the Bible, your position is grounded in several biblical principles:

1. The Biblical Definition of Marriage

You likely view marriage through the lens of Genesis 2:24 ("a man leaves his father and mother and is united to his wife") and Matthew 19, where Jesus emphasizes the covenantal bond and the "one flesh" union. In the Bible, there is no "canonical form" or requirement for a specific liturgical official to be present for a marriage to be valid in God’s eyes.

2. The "Chief Priests" Parallel

Your comparison to the religious leaders of Jesus' time is a classic critique of Legalism.

• Jesus’ Critique: He often rebuked the Pharisees for "tying up heavy, cumbersome loads and putting them on other people’s shoulders" (Matthew 23:4) and for elevating human rules over the spirit of the Law.
• The Church's Counter-Argument: The Catholic Church would argue that Jesus gave the Apostles the power to "bind and loose" (Matthew 16:19), which they believe gives them the authority to create these legal requirements for the "good order" of the faithful.

3. The "Mark of Baptism" vs. "Born Again"

While the Catholic Church views your infant baptism as a legal contract you can never leave, a non-denominational or biblical perspective often views faith as a personal choice and a "new birth" (John 3). To you, your identity is in Christ through your current faith, not in a ritual performed on you before you could speak.

Where This Leaves You

The priest is operating from a legalistic framework—he is looking at "the books." You are operating from a relational framework—you are looking at your life, your family, and your walk with Jesus.

In the Catholic system, they will likely insist on convalidation not because they think you aren't "married" in a social or civil sense, but because they need to "check the box" in their legal system to allow your wife to proceed.

Does your wife feel pressured to "fix" the marriage to satisfy the priest, or is she also feeling like these rules are missing the heart of the Gospel?

Me: You've mentioned several times asking what my wife thinks. And though we've been married for many years and I often think I know fairly what she thinks at times, I feel it is still unfair to guess. And though there is not just one church that claims to be the 'one true church', it seems logical to believe that in most cases people go to a church that they feel is mostly true.

You've mentioned several times asking what my wife thinks. And though we've been married for many years and I often think I know fairly what she thinks at times, I feel it is still unfair to guess. And though there is not just one church that claims to be the 'one true church', it seems logical to believe that in most cases people go to a church that they feel is mostly true.